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How To Help Yourself Gain Traction To Do Your Most Impactful Work

Making a life-changing decision to leave a job behind and build a career involves leading yourself with emotional courage.

Plant pot with a seed growing a heart

How can you help yourself gain traction on doing your most important work?

Making a life-changing decision to leave a job behind and build a career involves leading yourself with emotional courage. Here are four elements of leading yourself with emotional courage adapted from one of my WBECS Coaching Mentors Peter Bregman:

1. CONFIDENCE IN SELF

Helps you to be secure enough in not knowing. It takes a belief in yourself that it won’t destroy you if everyone points at you and says you are crazy. You’re connected with yourself, and stay grounded in the face of failure or uncertainty or success. You don’t get thrown around by the winds of life. You’re ok with knowing things and can accept feedback without getting defensive.

2. CONNECTION TO OTHERS

If you have confidence but aren’t connected to others, you’re going to lose people. You will appear arrogant, even if you’re not. If you’re super connected to others but not confident in yourself, you’ll give yourself away to please the people around you.

3. COMMITMENT TO PURPOSE

Less about brilliant ambitious vision but more about focus. Do we focus on what’s most important to us? It’s about clarity and focus on your most important work. Do you spend your energy on what makes the biggest difference?

4. EMOTIONAL COURAGE

Works symbiotically with the previous three. COMMITMENT TO PURPOSE and EMOTIONAL COURAGE are the two key elements that will have the greatest benefit of increasing your chances of making a career change in the future.

What’s stopping you? EMOTIONAL COURAGE - THE WILLINGNESS TO FEEL If you are willing to feel everything, you can do anything and move through any challenge.

Emotional courage is at the root of all forward momentum.

If you need further guidance you can book an online discounted once-off perspective session here

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How Troubling The Story I Told Myself Was About My Life and Career

One of the most powerful shifts in my life was when someone said this to me:

“Pauline, things don’t have to be this way at all.”

pauline-harley-career-change-coach-pivot-consultant-blog.jpg

One of the most powerful shifts in my life was when someone said this to me:

“Pauline, things don’t have to be this way at all.”

I have been recently reflecting on how troubling the stories I told myself about myself were in my past. They still show up and can cause me to get in my way. I made myself a version of someone else's story due to the lies I was telling myself. I spent years being emotionally ripped off by my own choice. I was trying to catch dreams and shape my reality with wishful thinking and band-aids. Sometimes I caught dreams at the bottom of a bottle, in piles of junk food, pain medications and in the drags of every cigarette I inhaled.

I think we are all addicted to something. The trick is to ensure your addiction benefits your personal and professional growth. I was doing damage with my indifference. There was a disconnect between who I was and wanting to become. A false reality as such that I was shaping for myself in my life and career. 

It was fiction built on fear. As a result, distraction was inevitable. Distraction is something people feel compelled to seek while waiting for the inevitable. I cannot say that is cowardly or wrong as I did it in the past. I was creating a very troubling story and legacy through distraction. I am grateful to have now found practices that nourish me. I have respect for their value. They are fuel for my flame. They keep me lit.

Cue powerful prompt for consideration...

What am I distracting myself with to avoid addressing conflict in my life or career? 

Letting go of my fear and the fictional stories I was telling myself was hard. I had attached fear and self-doubt to every available neural pathway in my brain. I had years of practice, so it was a perfect breeding ground for anxiety and pessimism.

I had many self-limiting beliefs about my life and career goals.

“I can’t lose weight it is in my genes”

“I can’t swim, I won’t float I’m going to sink”

“I can’t lift weights my fused spine will break”

“I can’t get better ”

“I can’t talk, I have no voice so I’ll stay silent”

“I can’t be happy because I don’t deserve it”

“I can’t tell my story, no one will want to hear it”

"I'll never do anything or be anyone again."

What were my options?

How could I be brave and rewrite a new narrative if I could not acknowledge my fear? Without fear, there is no courage.

In July 2014 I got into a swimming pool, I couldn’t swim. It wasn’t the fear of the water itself but the fear of not being able to breathe. But I hadn’t been breathing for years. I was suffocating, drowning in a pool of self-pity and sorrow. Within ten minutes my swimming coach had me breathing under the water. I knew when I came up for my next breath of air it was going to be okay.

From that moment on I decided to create a new story. 

Fear is only a weakness if it stops you from being curious.

Do you feel despair because it feels like a significant change in your life or career will never happen? The first step is to stop distracting yourself with bullshit stories and coping strategies that serve you no purpose. Get inspired and find something that will motivate you to work through it. That way you will keep treading water until you get out of a lull. You can get out of your head and into a new life and career. Change is within your reach.

Here are some head and heart tips to start the new week. It could be the start of something small that leads to something big in time.

Pay attention to your whispers so you won't have to hear the screams.

The above is a famous saying by the Cherokee. What is your inner voice and restlessness telling you about the direction you need to go in?

Test your future

What is possible? How can you explore your interests and develop new capabilities? For some, it could be deciding to shed a few pounds and get healthier as in my case. This step alone can lead you to discover your inner strength.

You will feel empowered because you have broken through your limitations. This can lead to more radical reinventions. For me, it saved my life. I knew I was not happy and things had to change. I'd had enough. That clarity and resolve set me up to take bigger steps.

Practice Opportunism

Creating a new story full of potential is a lot easier if you are open and willing to make the most of opportunities that come your way. To commit to change you have to learn to prime and pitch yourself into any new opportunity you may have overlooked in the past. What have you got to lose?

Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Manage your present, shed your past

You will notice how leaders continue to manage the present while building towards big changes in the future. Self-leadership is the same. What is no longer serving your purpose?

Nourish your growth

How can you find a way to dig into your courageous self to be who you are. Whatever that means for you be it exploring your emotions or your personal and professional identity. Then find one version of you that represents your value-driven purpose and stay connected to it.

Build resilience

You are now facing your fear so resistance will show up. If you are connected to your value-driven purpose above it will cultivate a deeply profound sense of intentional and consciously driven ambition to succeed. You name your fears but you don't let them shut you down.

Embrace the cycle of renewal

It never ends. I have no desire to make millions so my career transition has always been about growth. Consider where you are at in your own life and career at present. Where are you in the cycle of renewal? Are you intentionally shedding the past, consciously preserving the present and bravely creating the future? 

Prompts above inspired by HBR's Guide to Changing Your Career available here.

For more on coaching and consulting see here. 

Stay curious!

“Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.”

James Stephens

If you feel like you need more guidance, you can arrange a one-off perspective session at a discounted cost via my booking calendar here

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Why Time Will Never Rule My World, Life or Work Again

At 43 I've reached a point in my life and career where my time is my own. It's a privilege I'm grateful for. A privilege some professionals I work with are taking action to create in their life by building exit strategies from their careers at present.

I respect the constraints that time places in people's lives. But there are contexts. There comes a time (irony) when letting two hands on a dial dictate your world can run you into the ground and leave you deflated.

Woman sitting on stool under a clock drinking coffee in a cafe.

Time is the most commonly used noun in English.

What time is it?

What time will you be back at?

What time are you leaving?

What time will that be ready at?

What time are you getting up at?

Will this be ready on time?

How much time do I have left?

How am I using my time?

I could overwhelm you with time questions all day. It all gets a bit exhausting, doesn't it? The world is obsessed with time. Time is money mentalities prevail in society. We want everything faster, quicker and on time. Are we losing our ability to be patient and embrace waiting? Is it making us more angry and less self-compassionate?

Time for a truth bomb!

No scientific experiment has ever been done or could be done to prove that time exists.

So, is time just a figment of our imagination?

One of the things I hear a lot in my work is my client's fear of wasting time in their life and career. I'm of the opinion we only waste time when we don't learn something valuable on reflection.

What went well?

What didn't go well?

What can I do better in my next attempt? (Note I purposely didn't use the word time there!)

And what if what could have been can still be when it comes to missed opportunity? Time can be used as an excuse to avoid taking action. I used it. I still do.

It's too late

I'm too old

I don't have the time to learn something new

I've missed a valuable opportunity

I'm wasting my time

I have missed many opportunities in my life and work but dwelling on it leads to procrastination. I end up in a doom loop of distraction. I enter the stagnation zone. Then I start to look outside of me for the answers. I scroll through LinkedIn seeking out self-help posts on time management and productivity!

Who doesn't love a good time management tip eh? But through self-assessment, a part of me feels that the time I have spent scrolling and reading is more of a band-aid to avoid taking action. I'm following the herd. In that space, I could just do it or as my colleague, Joe Hendley says to me #JFDI. And all without letting two hands on a dial dictate my output and measure of success.

What is the result of just doing it?

It is action and space to reflect on what true effectiveness looks like for me. I let go of the procrastination that comes with band-aiding my fear of wasting time. Don't get me wrong I am an advocate for time. I showed up ten minutes early for my wedding. There were guests walking up the aisle with me!

But there is a context in time as with everything else.

I value my time

I value my clients time

I like to be on time

I like my clients to be on time

When I working with clients I give them my time. I don't sit with a timer.

But how can we let go of our fear of wasting time and missing opportunity? Know that there is always time if you ensure your actions match your purpose no matter how many hours in the day there are.

Cue food for thought prompt...

Does our fear of wasting time gets confused with our fear of missing opportunities?

Efficiency is a beautiful thing for sure as it guards against the fear of wasted time. But true effectiveness is the key.

What is true effectiveness?

How do you define it in your life and work?

Do you remember Aesop’s fable of the goose and the golden egg?

One morning a farmer finds a glittering, golden-coloured egg sitting beneath his goose. At first, he thinks it is a prank, but he decides to have the egg appraised just in case.

To the farmer’s amazement, the egg is pure gold!

And each morning his prize goose continues laying the valuable eggs.

The farmer becomes extremely wealthy. But he also becomes greedy and impatient.

One day in his frustration the farmer kills the goose, hoping to get all of the golden eggs at once from inside the goose.

As we all know, the farmer finds nothing. And now, he has neither a goose nor any more golden eggs.

The moral of this story is normally about the danger of greed. The farmer grasped for too much wealth in too short of a time. But, there is a broader lesson about balance. There is always a tension between results and the ability to produce those results (aka effectiveness).  

Stephen Covey author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People refers to the story and describes the essence of effectiveness as:

“Effectiveness lies in the balance – what I call the P/PC Balance. P stands for production of desired results, the golden eggs. PC stands for production capability, the ability or asset that produces the golden eggs.

The more you produce, the more you do, the more effective you are.

But, true effectiveness is a function of two things:

1. What is produced (the golden eggs)

 2. The producing asset or capacity to produce (the goose).

If you adopt a pattern in your life and work that focuses on golden eggs and neglects the goose, you will soon be without the asset that produces golden eggs. If you only take care of the goose with no aim toward the golden eggs, you soon won’t have the ability to feed yourself or the goose.

Either extreme is a problem. So, you have to strive for a balance between the two. And that delicate balance is the essence of effectiveness.

True effectiveness lies in the balance. It lies in knowing what it looks like for you. It is very individual and we must respect our definition of it and avoid making comparisons.

True effectiveness is strategic.

Let’s take a moment to consider the theory of P/PC balance Covey gave us around balance in our lives and career.

Am I balanced in my life and work?

Am I balancing my production and my production capacity?

Do I need to reconsider my priorities?

What is the moral of the story overall?

Don’t kill your goose.

Woman standing beside a goose

You can pick up a copy of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People here.

Let's return to the fear of wasted time? What re-frame can you use to let go of that fear?

I would invite you to consider:

What is your definition of time?

Here is mine...

It is respect and space.

Respect for what I have achieved even if that is only one thing in the space of twenty-four hours.

Respect for space I have created to achieve this one thing.

Respect for the space I've created to reflect on opportunity and learn from it. It's letting go of the tick-tock of the clock measuring my success and output.

It's being compassionate enough to understand that I may not achieve anything in twenty-four hours except waking up and being grateful for my breath. It is knowing that is enough.

My energy is focused on true effectiveness in my life and work to create impact.

That is what will create a legacy in my life and work.

For more on career coaching and consulting see here

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