How Troubling The Story I Told Myself Was About My Life and Career

One of the most powerful shifts in my life was when someone said this to me:

“Pauline, things don’t have to be this way at all.”

I have been recently reflecting on how troubling the stories I told myself about myself were in my past. They still show up and can cause me to get in my way. I made myself a version of someone else's story due to the lies I was telling myself. I spent years being emotionally ripped off by my own choice. I was trying to catch dreams and shape my reality with wishful thinking and band-aids. Sometimes I caught dreams at the bottom of a bottle, in piles of junk food, pain medications and in the drags of every cigarette I inhaled.

I think we are all addicted to something. The trick is to ensure your addiction benefits your personal and professional growth. I was doing damage with my indifference. There was a disconnect between who I was and wanting to become. A false reality as such that I was shaping for myself in my life and career. 

It was fiction built on fear. As a result, distraction was inevitable. Distraction is something people feel compelled to seek while waiting for the inevitable. I cannot say that is cowardly or wrong as I did it in the past. I was creating a very troubling story and legacy through distraction. I am grateful to have now found practices that nourish me. I have respect for their value. They are fuel for my flame. They keep me lit.

Cue powerful prompt for consideration...

What am I distracting myself with to avoid addressing conflict in my life or career? 

Letting go of my fear and the fictional stories I was telling myself was hard. I had attached fear and self-doubt to every available neural pathway in my brain. I had years of practice, so it was a perfect breeding ground for anxiety and pessimism.

I had many self-limiting beliefs about my life and career goals.

“I can’t lose weight it is in my genes”

“I can’t swim, I won’t float I’m going to sink”

“I can’t lift weights my fused spine will break”

“I can’t get better ”

“I can’t talk, I have no voice so I’ll stay silent”

“I can’t be happy because I don’t deserve it”

“I can’t tell my story, no one will want to hear it”

"I'll never do anything or be anyone again."

What were my options?

How could I be brave and rewrite a new narrative if I could not acknowledge my fear? Without fear, there is no courage.

In July 2014 I got into a swimming pool, I couldn’t swim. It wasn’t the fear of the water itself but the fear of not being able to breathe. But I hadn’t been breathing for years. I was suffocating, drowning in a pool of self-pity and sorrow. Within ten minutes my swimming coach had me breathing under the water. I knew when I came up for my next breath of air it was going to be okay.

From that moment on I decided to create a new story. 

Fear is only a weakness if it stops you from being curious.

Do you feel despair because it feels like a significant change in your life or career will never happen? The first step is to stop distracting yourself with bullshit stories and coping strategies that serve you no purpose. Get inspired and find something that will motivate you to work through it. That way you will keep treading water until you get out of a lull. You can get out of your head and into a new life and career. Change is within your reach.

Here are some head and heart tips to start the new week. It could be the start of something small that leads to something big in time.

Pay attention to your whispers so you won't have to hear the screams.

The above is a famous saying by the Cherokee. What is your inner voice and restlessness telling you about the direction you need to go in?

Test your future

What is possible? How can you explore your interests and develop new capabilities? For some, it could be deciding to shed a few pounds and get healthier as in my case. This step alone can lead you to discover your inner strength.

You will feel empowered because you have broken through your limitations. This can lead to more radical reinventions. For me, it saved my life. I knew I was not happy and things had to change. I'd had enough. That clarity and resolve set me up to take bigger steps.

Practice Opportunism

Creating a new story full of potential is a lot easier if you are open and willing to make the most of opportunities that come your way. To commit to change you have to learn to prime and pitch yourself into any new opportunity you may have overlooked in the past. What have you got to lose?

Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Manage your present, shed your past

You will notice how leaders continue to manage the present while building towards big changes in the future. Self-leadership is the same. What is no longer serving your purpose?

Nourish your growth

How can you find a way to dig into your courageous self to be who you are. Whatever that means for you be it exploring your emotions or your personal and professional identity. Then find one version of you that represents your value-driven purpose and stay connected to it.

Build resilience

You are now facing your fear so resistance will show up. If you are connected to your value-driven purpose above it will cultivate a deeply profound sense of intentional and consciously driven ambition to succeed. You name your fears but you don't let them shut you down.

Embrace the cycle of renewal

It never ends. I have no desire to make millions so my career transition has always been about growth. Consider where you are at in your own life and career at present. Where are you in the cycle of renewal? Are you intentionally shedding the past, consciously preserving the present and bravely creating the future? 

Prompts above inspired by HBR's Guide to Changing Your Career available here.

For more on coaching and consulting see here. 

Stay curious!

“Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.”

James Stephens

If you feel like you need more guidance, you can arrange a one-off perspective session at a discounted cost via my booking calendar here

What Core Needs Must My Career Meet?

Have you ever created the space to ask yourself these questions?

Maybe you could find some time in this new month to do so.

Here are some prompts and further thought-provoking to help you with this valuable exercise. 

Personal and Professional Values:

What is most important to you in the next one to three years?

What are your values around this?

What do you really need in your life and how do you envision your career attributing to it?

Things like financial security, benefits and stability matter.

Time is a factor also. It is one of your most valuable resources. 

How much freedom and flexibility would you like?

Self-fulfilment:

Intrinsic 
How much personal growth, learning and impact do you want to have?

We all need to feel like we are progressing and part of something to build our self-esteem and natural confidence.

Extrinsic
What about your job title? Does it matter to you?

Are prestige and authority important to you?

Relationships:

What type of people do you like to work with?

What type of company culture is important for you to thrive?

What teamwork do you enjoy?

Are workplace friendships important to you?

What management opportunities exist for you?

Mobility:

What movement would you prefer in your role?

Is there freedom from repetition?

It is one of the biggest reasons I see people come to me in my practice!

Boredom from repetition can result in demotivation, decreased confidence and low impact.

You might think all of these are important at present and they very well may be.

But it is crucial to prioritise the most important ones in the present moment.

Then you can begin to create an actionable career vision for the next few years.

If you are having difficulty doing this at present  this final question may elicit the most important answers for you in time:

What is missing from your current role?

Feel free to contact me to discuss in more detail. Happy to help as always.

For more details on consulting packages see here. You can also book a one-off consultation at a discounted cost here