Back to Work
Back to work...out
Because it worked out
The return to the office
For a long time, going back to work after the holidays was the final straw that broke me. I would sob uncontrollably for days on end, begging myself to take action.
However, I was already emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted from dealing with my toxic work environment and my own "stuff" before returning, so all my tears just served to sap further the self-esteem, drive, and self-assurance I had been working so hard to restore.
I cry as needed now when I need to regulate, and it never hurts as much anymore. What makes a difference, though, is the environment in which I experience my emotions.
So, my return to work after the holidays didn't work out for many years, and I didn't work (my ownership here is also taken apart from my job's element within it all and my burnout).
For twenty years, circumstances, rather than my choice, seemed to be the driving force behind my life's meaning and purpose. I spent eleven years living with autoimmune dysfunction and having major surgeries, and a lot more physical, mental, and emotional things happened within all of it.
This morning, I am working.
It worked out, which means I am up and working out without any signs of anxiety or dread. There are a few aches and pains, for sure, that need addressing this year, namely a hip injury, but much fell into place, not overnight but over many years.
It is still a daily purpose of mine to try and choose myself since it serves my outlook.
Choose oneself.
While it may not always be feasible, prioritise your health whenever you can.
Choose grace for your nervous and neurological systems.
That doesn't necessarily mean we should get up and leave our jobs, buy a camper van, and head to the hill unless we want to.
It may just mean incremental daily, weekly, or monthly self-accommodations in our self-care; loving ourselves more, setting boundaries, taking ownership and responsibility for some of our life and work circumstances, and making ourselves more comfortable with accommodating are all things we deserve.
To a new day, not even a year, just day by day gracefully.
